


Defective Yun

by CrossMirror



Category: Final Fantasy XIII Series
Genre: Crack, F/F, Info-Dumping, No Plot/Plotless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 07:02:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16470980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrossMirror/pseuds/CrossMirror
Summary: Everyone needs a Yun in their life, but what happens if there is a defect?The Farron Repair Shop is here to help. The Shop Owner, Lightning, fixes all the Fangs and puts them up for a good home.





	Defective Yun

In the seaside town of Bodhum, an unassuming shop lies at the end of a backstreet, away from the hustle and bustle of beach tourism. Despite its location, the Farron Repair Shop gets decent business due to its specialization: repairing Defective Yuns.

What is a Yun, sometimes called a Yun-nee?

For the most part, a Yun is a companion product with different features depending on the model. For example, all Yuns come with a chair function. Newer models come equipped with seatbelts, while older ones do not. However, most people cannot fit in the Yun chair, for they are chibi sized, or super deformed (SD) sized. Yuns have found another use for the chair function though: spooning. Yes, by laying sideways, one can “sit” on them, and the seatbelt literally functions as a hug. Anyone can be the little spoon, guaranteed!

The newest models have defense mechanisms equipped in the chair function when they detect danger. When the seatbelt isn't used, Yuns will wildly stab with their spear. When the seatbelt is used, they will flail their legs, kicking all threats away. However, it's hard to translate these skills to spooning.

Yuns come with many other complex functions, which means defects can happen. Usually, the defects are minor, but customers demand the best of the best. That's where the Farron Repair Shop comes in.

 

Lightning Farron, the proprietor, didn't have customers this morning. She had spent most of her time reading articles on the latest Yun-nee innovations.

“Higher arm articulation… improved signature phrases.”

Ding.

Lightning put her articles away. “Good afternoon. How can I help you?”

“My Yun-nee has bonked her head too many times, and now she has dents, craters, and corners. Can you make her head round again?”

An easy fix.

“Of course, this type of repair is about 600 gil.” Lightning said.

“I'll do it.”

“You can drop her off now and I can finish in a few hours.”

The customer filled out the paperwork and left.

“So Yun-nee, how did you get all these corners?” Lightning said.

Fang beamed, “I was having too much fun. My friend helps me with ‘Highwind’ and launches me into space. I keep landing on my head though. Eee eee.”

Tap tap.

Fang blinked twice.

Tap tap.

Fang covered her head. “Ah-oo (ow), not the corners!”

“Please let me tap the corners. They make hollow sounds,” Lightning said.

“I'm not a melon! Multiple corners attack!” Fang jumped and headbutted Lightning.

K.O.

“But you're a fresh, juicy melon,” were Lightning's last words.

 

“I need you to fix my Yun. She calls herself Fangy instead of Yun-nee.”

“I told you, Yun is my last name! I'm Fangy!”

“I need a Yun-nee, not a Fangy.”

Lightning said, “I don't think this is a defect. All Yun-nees are Fangs.”

“But everyone else has a Yun-nee,” the customer said.

Lightning didn't discuss any more. The customer wanted a Yun-nee this bad. She asked Fangy if they could talk privately in the back.

“Fangy, I respect your wish to be called Fangy, but your friend doesn't. I think you need a new friend.”

“You mean, I'm not defective?”

“Of course not. I love you and all the Yun-nees. Besides, I only fix defects like joint articulation and spear repairs. There are real friends who will respect you. My sister can help you find them.”

Fangy hugged Lightning.

Lightning returned to the front.

“I won't fix your Yun-nee, but I can give you a different Yun.”

“That's fine with me.”

“Great.” Lightning gave the customer a refurbished Yun.

Mission accomplished. A Yun got a new home, and another Yun will be happier at a different one.

 

“Hello,” a customer barged in, “I would like to exchange this Yun for a refurbished one.”

Lightning looked at the Yun in question. No cosmetic damage.

Fang climbed on the counter and shook Lightning's hand. “Ay, I'm Yun-nee!”

Lightning returned the handshake, “What's wrong with her? She's pretty Yun-nee to me.”

The customer shook his head. “This Yun-nee Yuns things up the wrong way.”

“How so?”

The customer turned to Fang. “It's not Yun-nee enough in here!”

“Well, it's time… to Yun things up!” Fang raspberried, “Bwahahaha!”

Lightning smiled, but the customer wasn’t amused.

“See, it's wrong.”

“Let me see what I can do. Yun-nee, can you come to the back with me?”

Fang followed. Now that they had privacy...

“Yun-nee, I thought you Yunned things up well, but your friend doesn't understand your humor and he wants a different friend.”

Fang said, “But I like doing Yun-nee things my way.”

“I know someone who will appreciate your humor. She's a better friend than the one you have.”

“Mm… I'll take you up on that!”

Lightning gave Fang a hug. “I'll be back.”

Lightning went to the front, rummaged through the shelves for a Yun that matched well with the customer.

“Alright, you can have this Yun.”

“It's time to Yun things up!” Fang flourished her spear.

“Yes, this is what I wanted. Thank you, Lightning.”

Another Yun to a good home, and another happy Yun.

 

“This Yun is a real Yun-nee Yunerson,” a customer complained, “then she chokes me when she gets mad.”

Yun-nee Yunerson: a boring, lackluster Fang.  
Lightning looked at a slumpy Yun. Her shoulders slouched, and head low. No greeting either? Not Yun-nee at all. 

But Lightning knew better. Bad friends create Yun-nee Yunersons. Maybe this customer didn't know what Fang liked.

Lightning said, “This Yun isn't defective. She needs love and affection, just like with anyone. I'll demonstrate.”

She offered her hand to Fang.

“Yun-nee, can we hold hands?”

Fang kept her head low, but nodded. She placed her hand in Lightning's.

Lightning smiled and held it firmly. “Yay, we're holding hands!”

Fang took a peek. Lightning's smile made her feel better.

“I love you. You're my Yun-nee.”

“Eee eee.”

“Okay, but what about the choking?” The customer said.

“That's just something Yuns do when they're jealous. I'll show you how to handle it.”

Lightning took out one of the articles she read earlier.

“Wow, check out this new Yun! She flails her arms above her head instead of the sides, and has an even louder 'eee eee.’”

Fang took out her spear, jumped on Lightning's back shoulders, placed the spear in front of Lightning's neck, and pulled.

“Ack, please… stop,” Lightning fell to the ground and Fang let go.

Lightning sprung from the floor. “Wow, you're so strong!”

Fang puffed her chest. “That's because I'm a Yun. Don't you forget it.”

“I promise,” Lightning said. She turned to the customer, “You just have to pretend and she'll stop.”

The customer said, “I didn't know that Yun-nees need a lot of attention. I actually don't want a Yun anymore.”

Fang went back to slouching and keeping her head down, hiding her heartbreak.

Lightning put her hand on Fang's back. “I… understand. I'll take her.”

When the customer left, Lightning held Fang's hand again.

Fang said, “I don't understand. She called me a Yun-nee Yunerson because I wasn't Yun-nee enough. Then she doesn't want me because I'm too Yun-nee for her.”

Lightning squeezed Fang's hand. “Listen, it's not you. She's the one who didn't pay you any attention. That makes her not Yun-nee enough for you. Never say you're too Yun-nee. Things are never too Yun-nee. In fact, I think it's not Yun-nee enough in here.”

Fang looked at Lightning. “Well, it's time to Yun things up!” She stabbed the invisible enemy in fatal areas.

 

“Stop ‘wee-wah’-ing or I'm taking you back to the store.”

“No, I'm not defective. Wee-wah! They'll mark me down!” Fang flailed her arms.

“Well, you better hope the Farron Repair Shop can fix you.”

 

Ding.

“Good evening. I'm Lightning. How can I help you?”

“Please fix my Yun. She is very defective, and she's in denial about it. She has all the wrong phrases.”

Fang avoided eye contact.

“I’ll see what I can do. Yun-nee, can you come to the back with me?” Lightning offered her hand.

Fang grabbed it.

 

“Yun-nee, what's wrong?”

“I’m not defective. I have the normal phrases, but I like the ones I made up too! I can say more words!”

“Oh, like what?” 

“Instead of only saying ‘eee eee’ for good things, I can also say 'wee-wah’ for bad things. I have an additional phrase for confusion too. Instead of 'kweh,’ it's 'bagawk,’ the sound of a fearsome animal from another world.”

“Wow, those are special, limited time, collectible phrases!”

“You see my genius! Please be my friend, I don't want mine anymore.”

Lightning keeled over. Only one Yun has chosen her before, and now this Yun. A renewed vigor spirited her.

“I will absolutely be your friend!” 

Lightning exchanged a refurbished Yun with the customer.

 

She closed up the shop, but didn't leave, playing with all the “defective” Yuns.

Ding.

“Serah, you're here early.”

Ding.

Ding.

Ding. Ding. Ding.

“Vanille…”

 

Serah and Vanille visited Lightning once a week to pick up the “defective” Yuns. Serah found homes for them quickly and efficiently compared to Lightning, while Vanille hoarded as many as she could.

Tonight, Fangy and the normal Yun went with Serah, while the humorous Fang joined Vanille's cohort of Fangs.

 

“Honey, I'm back!” Lightning said.

“How was work today,” said Fang.

Up until today, Lightning has only ever kept one Yun, the most defective Yun the repair shop has ever attempted to service. They call her, “Lost Cause Yun.” She isn't chibi sized. She doesn't say “eee eee” or flail arms. In fact, she calls herself Fang, never Yun-nee. She has no features except barely a chair function. There is nothing Yun-nee about this model. But Fang is Lightning's hun-nee.

“It was great. Many Yun-nees got new homes today, and this one chose me!” Lightning held up her Yun-nee.

“Eee eee. I'm a Yun.”

“Hmph, I chose you first,” Fang said, crossing her arms.

“She asked to be friends. You asked to be my hun-nee. You'll always be my hun-nee.” Lightning hugged Fang.

“Then, I guess that's okay,” Fang returned the hug, “For your safety, the seatbelt function is activated.”

Lightning nestled her face in Fang's chest. “I think it's time to sit in the Farron chair, Fang.”

“We're gonna Farron things up?”

“That's right. I'll meet you in the bedroom.”

 

“Please join me,” Lightning said.

Fang laid next to her, and commenced the little spoon position.

Lightning held Fang in her arms.

“Is it Farron enough?”

Fang grabbed a pillow and hid her face.

“It's never Farron enough.” 

“I love you, hun-nee.”

“I love you too.”


End file.
